This made me burst into tears at several points. There’s definitely not a story or way to describe why this hit me so, but I have to say that I certainly feel alive and grateful and empty and full all at once, so please keep writing and sharing.
Audrey, thank you so much for sharing your authentic experience with me. It means the world to know that this piece, and my story, resonated with you in some way. Love you mama.
"I want to celebrate the two beings who shared an abundance of love but a lack of compatibility—a lack of compatibility that became apparent only because we encouraged one another to grow into our most authentic, empowered selves."
Regarding the, "Here's a hat," comment (which was hilarious), I manage an urgent care vet clinic and have hundreds of interactions with people preparing for euthanasias every year. These aren't people I know as they're usually coming to us for the first time.
Sometimes, I feel like I know the right words. This person needs to know they're making the loving decision, not betraying their 23 year old chihuahua who is suffering snd dying. That person needs me to put the unspoken feelings of gratitude of the stray cat they rescued into words for them.
But, more often than not, I say, "I wish I had words for you and I just don't. This sucks and I'm sorry." It's all I have because the magnitude of the pain this person feels is too great for me to do anything but trivialize with platitudes or attempts at comfort.
I'm assuming the banana and hat people are doing the same thing. Trying to say something when there's really nothing to say.
I don't know you although you are incredibly generous here sharing yourself and your story. I have neither a banana nor a hat for you. So I'll just say thank you for sharing your story. Your writing is quite poetic even when it is prose. I hope that the pain has lessened.
Chris, what a gorgeous and heartfelt expression! Thank you so much for sharing your context and your pared-down-eloquence for such challenging moments with me. I think your ability to be present with the moment— with the other person's pain and with your own confusion regarding what to say— is a rare gift. Unfortunately that dynamic was not present in my banana / hat interactions... I wish that it had been!
Instead, I was met with sentiments like: "Your divorce is triggering to me because it makes me worried about my own relationship," or "Now I'm scared that love isn't real and I can't depend on any couples to stay together," which didn't register or account for my experience of actually going through the divorce. However, I can pluck out the silver linings in those responses and recognize how interconnected we all are, that my lived experience would make people think about their own lived experiences so viscerally.
I will carry your words with me as the epitome of the kind of empathy that I longed for during that transition. They feel medicinal for me now too. Thank you!
Moving beyond words.
Love you lil monkey! Thank you for being such a rock throughout this process!
This made me burst into tears at several points. There’s definitely not a story or way to describe why this hit me so, but I have to say that I certainly feel alive and grateful and empty and full all at once, so please keep writing and sharing.
Audrey, thank you so much for sharing your authentic experience with me. It means the world to know that this piece, and my story, resonated with you in some way. Love you mama.
I like the part when you said “I am so lucky to have loved and to have been loved” that is inspirational. Some Bard talked about that too.
Oooh, I love co-inhabiting a sentence with the Bard! Thank you so much Thomas; your words mean so much. xx
I love you so, you outrageously beautiful human.
I love your wild and wingèd heart, my beautiful friend. xx
Gorgeous. Beautiful. Thank you.
"This Life is the only draft I get to make, the only song I get to dedicate to the world."
"Now, I feel the mosaic of my previous loves informing how I show up to Love and Life… and it’s exhilarating."
Wow.
Grits! Thank you for sharing the pieces and places that landed with your heart... especially because your heart is such a Good Heart. I love you.
"I want to celebrate the two beings who shared an abundance of love but a lack of compatibility—a lack of compatibility that became apparent only because we encouraged one another to grow into our most authentic, empowered selves."
Me too.
Beautifully captured and resonant.
Sending love to you and all that lies ahead.
You and Miki set such a shining example of how to remain family after marital separation. I love you big big, my friend.
This moved me tremendously, and has given me some things to reflect on in my own life and relationship.
Thank you for this, Ilana. You are a genuinely inspiring person and artist.
Thank you so so much for sharing the ways in which this piece landed with you. It means more than I can ever express. Sending you the biggest hug.
Such a gorgeous post. Thank you for sharing Ilana. Grateful for your deep wisdom and sending so much love to you both.
Thank you so much, Em! I'm so grateful to hear that it resonated with you, and sending you lots of love back.
What a beautiful love story! ❤️
It really has felt that way to me from beginning to end, and there's so much Beauty in YOU that you can see it that way! Love you my friend!
Thank you for sharing your beautiful writing. I admire so much how you honor complicated thoughts and feelings. Sending love. ❤️
Thank you so much for that reflection, Miranda! Writing is usually the torch that leads me out of the dark, delicious forest. Sending you love back.
If I might make this about me ...
Regarding the, "Here's a hat," comment (which was hilarious), I manage an urgent care vet clinic and have hundreds of interactions with people preparing for euthanasias every year. These aren't people I know as they're usually coming to us for the first time.
Sometimes, I feel like I know the right words. This person needs to know they're making the loving decision, not betraying their 23 year old chihuahua who is suffering snd dying. That person needs me to put the unspoken feelings of gratitude of the stray cat they rescued into words for them.
But, more often than not, I say, "I wish I had words for you and I just don't. This sucks and I'm sorry." It's all I have because the magnitude of the pain this person feels is too great for me to do anything but trivialize with platitudes or attempts at comfort.
I'm assuming the banana and hat people are doing the same thing. Trying to say something when there's really nothing to say.
I don't know you although you are incredibly generous here sharing yourself and your story. I have neither a banana nor a hat for you. So I'll just say thank you for sharing your story. Your writing is quite poetic even when it is prose. I hope that the pain has lessened.
Chris, what a gorgeous and heartfelt expression! Thank you so much for sharing your context and your pared-down-eloquence for such challenging moments with me. I think your ability to be present with the moment— with the other person's pain and with your own confusion regarding what to say— is a rare gift. Unfortunately that dynamic was not present in my banana / hat interactions... I wish that it had been!
Instead, I was met with sentiments like: "Your divorce is triggering to me because it makes me worried about my own relationship," or "Now I'm scared that love isn't real and I can't depend on any couples to stay together," which didn't register or account for my experience of actually going through the divorce. However, I can pluck out the silver linings in those responses and recognize how interconnected we all are, that my lived experience would make people think about their own lived experiences so viscerally.
I will carry your words with me as the epitome of the kind of empathy that I longed for during that transition. They feel medicinal for me now too. Thank you!